i need sleep.

one more week of finals and then WINTER BREAK!





i don't want to think about it right now.

laptop crashed.
anxiety through the roof.
i barely work.
broke as a joke.

i'm ok.

Life seems to have taken a quick and sudden turn. What I started to become familiar with has now has changed and I am back home in Blaine. I'm ok with this though. I've been given a wonderful, large space in my dad's house where I have combined a living room, studio, and bedroom all into one. My dad calls it "The Condo". Although there is still junk that should be moved out of this area, I have grown to love this little place of mine and even for a second considered never going back to Minneapolis.

I think it was last month when life sudden just, happened... Everything that had happened in the last year suddenly came tumbling on me and suddenly I had no more strength left to get me through it. Being able to finish my first year of college and move back home was probably the greatest thing that was able to happen. Not to mention that my dad opened his home up to me considering I have never lived with him before (at least not officially).

I now spend my days reading on the sunny porch, having many conversations with my wonderful step-mom, occasionally visiting old friends from the area, and sleeping. I know this sounds rather slow and boring in comparison to what others are doing, but I need this...

And there are also a small amount of other things that I need... most of which I am getting and slowly they're making life a bit smoother.

he's...gone...

i will never get to see him again.

"HEY SAM!!"




it's moments like these that i wish i would get closer to people.
but then i think about it a little more and i'm glad that i don't..i can't handle losing anything.. let alone loved ones.

i knew as i sat in my bed after my three hour nap watching the flashing ambulance lights that something was terribly wrong.
especially as they continued to flash for hours...

and i just sat there...


rest in peace, buddy.
i know you're up there with Jesus and a camera... relaxing... smiling...
the world's been lifted off your shoulders.
i miss you.

i need to do this more often

i need to record this before it passes my mind...



do you ever have those moments where suddenly you know that it's time to start a new life.. to move on...
not necessarily out of disappointment, anger or desperation..
but more so
because change is needed, necessary

i walked away from my last day of Introduction to Photography with a stabbing rush of adrenaline.
i sit here now, anxious, ready to grab empty boxes and fill them completely with my belongings.
to wait at the door for dad to pick me up
to establish a new life elsewhere, if only for 3 months

i need this
more than anything

i promise myself that i will no longer let myself down

i will do the counseling. the steps deemed necessary will be taken.

i will be better.

i will love, i will learn, and i will live.

i always use to feel this sense of urgency. like time would run out, like i would get to things too late.
but the reality is that i am shy of being twenty years of age.
i have time.
i can die tomorrow. i should be considering this but i'm not.
and if i am...
it would be God's intention.

i will create.
i have never felt this inspired, this creative.


i am ready

Over the past few weeks I have been working on a few series of photos.
Nothing too particular...





(b&w film)


(x-processed slide film- no photoshop on this one)


(color film- shot with lomo actionsampler)


(same as previous)


(polaroid spectra film)

a little something from my journal...




and recent polaroid photos...






the weather today is magnificent. it could be a bit warmer but the sun is wonderful and makes me not want to work tonight.
time to walk to jasmine deli.. if i can ever make up my mind about anything.. !

today was awkward.
awkwardness is cured by good music downloads.
i feel as if i am sixteen once again.