i need to do this more often

i need to record this before it passes my mind...



do you ever have those moments where suddenly you know that it's time to start a new life.. to move on...
not necessarily out of disappointment, anger or desperation..
but more so
because change is needed, necessary

i walked away from my last day of Introduction to Photography with a stabbing rush of adrenaline.
i sit here now, anxious, ready to grab empty boxes and fill them completely with my belongings.
to wait at the door for dad to pick me up
to establish a new life elsewhere, if only for 3 months

i need this
more than anything

i promise myself that i will no longer let myself down

i will do the counseling. the steps deemed necessary will be taken.

i will be better.

i will love, i will learn, and i will live.

i always use to feel this sense of urgency. like time would run out, like i would get to things too late.
but the reality is that i am shy of being twenty years of age.
i have time.
i can die tomorrow. i should be considering this but i'm not.
and if i am...
it would be God's intention.

i will create.
i have never felt this inspired, this creative.


i am ready